i wished there was a day club

i wished there was a day club
a place to dance, a discotheque when the sun's up
where people don't necessarily need to drink
cause they can easily get high in a wink

i wished there was a day club
where dance enthusiasts come and dance atop
atop on each's mundane sway of the daily chores
where ladies do not dance like drunked whores

i wished there was a day club
so that when the party ends i dun have to take a cab
and spend the money instead on other meaningful things
such like giving gifts promptly to all my friends- or me some blings

i wished there was a day club
so i wun feel left out when i do not drink up
all would revel in good clean fun without the influence,
danced to their hearts content albeit with some needed prudence.

i wished there was a day club
i wished there was
i wished
i

this is not a poem

my back still hurts so
i didn't join the salsa people for
a wine get-together
(not that i drink anyway. duh.)

planned to catch Geisha
but in the end not
just had a drink with a gd fren at Mc Cafe
the headed home

highlight of the outing:
my fren's anecdote of her very interesting
life as a band teacher in charge-
really its dramatic

it almost make me teary-eyed (didn't it? :p)
reminded me of yester years of sec schools
and i i desperately wished i was in
Yuhua Concert Band instead of the
library, Prefects or St John!

so i headed home:
i bought Double Cheeseburger meal!
its quite amazing how one tends to crave
for such food despite being sick.

yes im still sick.
my back hurts and my head's still heavy.
i think it'll get better by the time i wake up
tommorrow morn. i hope.

i thought of watching my sis' Flight Plan Vcd when
i saw Coyote Ugly on tv!
Its a wonderful show so i had to watch it again, again.
i just love stories that inspires so much.

recollecting the things i need to do by tommorrow:
3 Haikus for Robert Yeo (and NOT Ben Chan please!)
Tiger Airways research for Comms Practicum
And overdue copywriting excerices for Mark

there's more i think...
like the 3 overdue NLB books still with me.. left
half read somewhere in my bedroom mess, and
i need to get those salsa guy shines! And

i need a Journal to Write and doddle and paste pictures of my thoughts down!

my back is killing me

i hurt my back during yest salsa trg
i am not sure how but prob its due to the lack of stretching
i came late as i was rushing from tarian practice in school

after lunch, i could barely sit up straight
i told meibin that i might want to go for a massage and guess wad?
she's interested too!

so we went to check out with one
it look sleazy and it sure is!
Cause the guy said its only for guys!
eeeww..

ANyway we walked and we past by a poster outside 7 eleven
a Spa with massage services
cost us 68 per person but that was worth it!

i shant relish the details but hehe it was quite ticklish and embarassing..
for me that is. :p

okie i forgot- i'm supposed to be grouchy!!

Cause my back still hurts!!!!!

I pray that i'll recover by wed!

so i can dacne again!

what if ...

What if you were a prof and you received 2 melancholic, sad and almost angry poems? What if you read them and had no idea why your student sent it to ya? What if you think there might be a possibility that these poems might be meant for you but you doubt it? What if you feel uneasy and find it hard to sleep for his student sent him a weird note?

I can't begin to imagine what might be going on my prof's mind when her read my poems. He replied, "I read through what you wrote and I am not amused. I dont know the reasons for you to send me such a note. perhaps you can tell me the reasons for doing so."

I think i'm screwed. What if he hates me now? What if it can't be redeemed?

So this are the 2 poems which was meant for Robert Yeo; Creative Writing class and NOT for Ben Chan; EBC class!!!


Loneliness is

loneliness is

a strayed ant, its colony lost
a faithful dog, its best friend’s dead
a caged ape, the only one
a migratory bird, away from its flock

loneliness is

a happied hen, its young taken
a human hermit, his feline’s out
a breathing poet, his quill and ink without
and shivering me, alone in this storm

loneliness is ..



What if

what if you were gone but the symphony play
and the choir grandiously sing
what if its lost forever in the hay
or none care they lose their sibling

what if you were gone and the nomadic animal cheered
for an end to the injustice you have done
what if the goat the farmer reared
forgets him, he teared for a hundred months

what if killing wasn’t a crime nor sin
would it then justify the tombstone before your wake
for the parasitical idiot that you have been
what if I said: I wish you were dead

white *itch

attempts at Haiku during Creative Tactical Communications course earlier today. we are to write a Haiku (japanese poem in 5-7-5 syllables) based on our favorite movie or tv program. time was short. chugged my half written Pride & Prejudice Haiku for my other favorite movie: where the beavers speak!

White *itch Haiku

more like a white bit**
strutting with her icy wand
bi** lost in the end

handed this in to prof and he read it. laughed out loud and said, "that's so in your face!". Lol. :p


came up with a few variations

more like a white bit**
strutting with her icy wand
slained by Great Lion

more like a white bit**
strutting with her icy wand
slained, the end you bit**


white *tch II Haiku

evil the white *itch
froze and shattered creation
died, the end the *itch!

*B or W is up to you. :)

i want bridges un-burnt

America's Next Top Model*

watched tv: top model
next week's snippets opened eyes
voice-over, "Bridges Burnt"

*composed in Haiku (japanese poem format: 5-7-5 syllable)


Its amazing.
As the girls bitched and barked at each other about their first commercial shoot episode next week, the voice-over said "Bridges are burnt". When i heard that, almost instantly i came to a realization of something that explains myself.

I have been subconciously trying to figure out why i keep having dilemma. About having to choose between my various activities. Why i want but how deep my reluctance is in having to quit the uni band. Why i am involved in so many other things and still having the desire to perform Hip Hop during patrons day.

Its all got to do with what the voice-over said.
I am extremly fearful of having my bridges burnt!!! A phobia?
I dun want to be disliked- for having choose between clubs.
I dun want to dissapoint- for not attending practices.

I WANT people to like me, to still be friends with me.
of course not playing for the annual symphonia concert,
deciding not to take up yet another dance item and spread myself too thin,
of quitting band or floorball,
of not agreeing to perform for some performance;
these of course make me their non-friends not.

but yes, i am afraid.
am i... afraid?
Nicesittis- is it a disease of being too nice,
to not one but everyone?
the Jack virus- trying to be a master of a Jack of all trades?

here was just but some questions
questions that i will keep asking myself
but at least watching the Top Model was beneficial
some light have been shed to my ironically mysterious self.

Sometimes i ask myself: what's the point of having bridges that
will deplete the world's entire forests when
all roads lead to (insert desired place)


(p.s. if one took lit before they will know that these writings and of recent are neither nowhere near 'poetry' nor 'prose'. And i would like to offically disclaim- cause not having done so would cause great discredit to my Creative writing prof/poet - that i'm even trying to make it like either of 'em.)

(p.s.s i just thought it might be easier to read if i separate them in sporadically-meaningful stanzas)

dancer in the dark

i am in the dark
of salsa, tarian & hip hop
of tooting in symphonia
of Latin Feste, Book Launch
and patron's day.
of the 2nd concert
come what may?

i am in the dark
to cease from symphonia i can do
but to choose and commit to
another dance should i too?
i would and i want but
can i and should i risk it all?

i am in the dark
the dark i am in now.
to choose my next move
to choose the dance, to risk any
or to do it all

i am in the dark
would i regret my next move
of precarious schedules
would i regret not?

i am in the dark.
should i hip & hop
for the Patron?

i am in the dark.
a dancer in the dark

i am in the dark

paper journal

i am thinking of keeping a separate journal for my inner thoughts
for my Creative Writing course..
more accesible and more private?

blisters from dancing

prof talked more about poems and prose today
interesting class activity where we looked at quotes from famous writers & poets
on why they write
so we classified them into categories
like some write to discover about themselves
some write to fill up something like a void a question
others write to release something inside
some writers write to be empowered
while some write to inspired or be inspired
of course they are other reasons which falls into newer categories
and some writers write for more thanone of these reasons

the other class excercise was equally enriching
what i learnt was not to write abstractly but visually
so that an image will appear in the minds of the readers
so that the poetry or prose becomes more memorable

As commanding as a man- as demanding as woman
we are to think of ways to describe it using figure of speech
Some of the interesting ones brought up by the students
As demanding as a pregnant woman
As pushy as a pregnant woman, giving birth!

some of my thoughts were
As demanding as The Flight of The Bumble-Bee
As demanding as Margaret Chan one rehearsal before Convocation performance
As demanding as the White Witch from Narnia
As demanding as an uttainable ransom list

I definitely need more...

....

my eyes i think are quite red
i think its the smoke from M.O.S
really cool party we had
i danced till i cant dance no more

but it was great!

very interesting thing happen and
i;m quite glad to be part of it
Nad's 2 guy fren got drunk
so i accompanied her
to wait for her other fren
then when she came
the 2 boys went missing
then out came one from the toilet
the other nowhere to be found
after much searching
he was actually in the toilet all along
then everything settled bla bla bla
happy ending went home.
its quite cool actually to observe drunk people..
hehe

but anyway im too tired to pen my thoughts on the entire day... been quite tiring
but i just had to write the events that happen so that i can recollect my thoughts once again at a later opportunity and reflect. :)

I think i have blisters from dancing! quite a first?

Muacks!

Pigeon Hole of Passion

visited LADC studio for social dance after band rehearsals.
danced salsa. i was quite tired though. maybe physically, maybe mentally.
i think its becasue im tired of doing the same moves over and again.
eventhough i am in the school performing team, its weird that
i barely rem much of it to exectue in social dance setting.
I definitely have progressed but not enough to convince myself that i am truly passionate about dance, in this sense Salsa?

Hmmmm. on the way back home in the train i thought a bit about my passions.
Flute, Band, Music, Salsa, Hip Hop, Jazz, Contemporary, Dance.
i am thinking about whehter there's another passion behind all this,
whether do i really love music, dance? do i love performance.
Or do i just love anything that gives me a chance to be in the limelight?
I am not certain really. Of course i do enjoy dancing, music, playing music
but i wished i would have progressed much greatly in these things that i pursue.

i wish i was good at something. Just one. To be exceptionally good at sth.
But then again, i noe i am the sort of person who likes experiencing a lot of stuff!
i love the opportunity to do so many things. to pursue so many stuff. I am blessed in that way. I love the diversity of life! From library to first aider to dancer to musician to floorball... phew...

really blessed i guess.
but at that times i do wish that i have the discipline to practice till im more than perfect. to have the luxury of time to pursue something extensively. To have the luxury of being in LOVE with only one thing at a time. But i am not like that.

I guess i have to accept it. My life is like a flux of passion. A passion of life? a passion for all things that catches my eye and spark of my enthusiasm.

thinking about my passion...

Should one attempt to categorize and define the existence of one's passions?

i almost shot a toddler today

i was having lunch at Amoy Street

When the whinnings & Wailings of a toddler made me stared. argh it was quite unbearable really. First e was like whinning and making high pitched extended noises watching his toy in action. This toy made me had a split second flashback on my childhood cause i used to love that toy: 3 penguins going up the stairs and going down to a roller coaster like ride, only to be lift up again. A loop of fun really. One that made me curious on who could have invented such an ingenious toy back then..

anyway back to why i got irritated. After the whinnings his dad, i think, carried him and he was rather uncomfortable so yes another couple of minutes of pure screaming. Can't a man have some peace over lunch?? I mean if he was like crying because he was like sick or sth ots a different story but hello? his father purposedly do what he was doing on purpose.. SUPER irritating..

to be honest if killing wasn't a crime or not wrong/ unsinful, and if i had a handgun, i would have stood up and shot him to end it. Really, it was THAT irritating.. and i wasn't even having a bad day. PLUS im usually easy going.. so YES it was PURE IRRITATION!

anyways yeah of course i felt bad afterwards for having such thoughts but hey, it is wrong to kill an irritating toddler over lunch so yes i ddint do it. Plus i would probably be fined for having possesion a firearm. Anyway it would be a mess. But yes fathers shouldnt irritate their kids like that. they should be more considerate and be more concious of their disruptive behaviors.

.....

what was i thinking

Robert Yeo, Singaporean poet (who is coincidentally on today's Life section's cover for the liberetta that he just did), my prof for Creative Writing said that we could use our blog for the journal segment of the assignment. So i'll hope to be more expressive and open in my writing so that hopefully i can revisit these reflections in writing my poetry.

I am still tired from today. Esp the rehearsals for caderas latinas. What was i thinking? THey announced that i am going to perform for all the 4 salsa items. I am surprised cause it seems that i am the only guy/person doing ALL 4? When both Alina and Faye asked me whether i am okay i can;t believe i didn;t say no.

What was i thinking? Maybe i thought it was a good thing? No. I really don;t know what to think. I know myself and i know that i am definitely not one of the better dancers. I noe that Eugene requested to be involved in less cause hos growing passion for hip hop. But what about the rest: Zhimin and Raphael? i am not really sure but i think they are dancing for only 3. Am i supposed to be flattered? I think its blind flattery. Am i supposed to be dissapointed? insulted? i dunno.. And i can;t understand why Julian is chosen to dance for only a couple.. in my opinion he dance as well if not better. and certainly catches it faster. anyway.. yeah to make it weirder, he is 'understudying' the Ran Kan kan item which he had done before! WEIRD.

What was i thinking? and wad were they thinking? i dunno.

on the bus ride home i thought about it. well actually i lied. i thought about it when i was waiting for the bus home. I thought to myself this can't be. one: i feel bad cause the average dancer(me) dance for 4 items. ANd most importantly its far too stressful for me to do all 4. PLUS the new shines aint that easy too...

sigh.. Ill talk to alina tmrw and see whats REALLY behind this decision... but i still will want to preform one less..

i need sleep.

come forth 2006

the new yet final school term for my entire academic life is dawning.
dawning, yes in both sense of the word:
the sun starting to trascend in this dark night in the horizon
and in 4 hours i will be in school feeling reborn again into the new term.

why entire academic term you may ask?
well for starters it is my penultimate year,
but importantly i doubt i'll advance my formal education anymore:
i never had really considered Masters anyway.

2005 has been great though i can't recall why.
ironic it may seem but it's just me i just don't do them.
Reflections that is. Like counting your blessings at the end of a year.
i'm not sure why though. I think it has to be my bad memory.
Or that i just live by each day, basking in each memory instantenously
whether it be sad, sorrow, envy, love, hate, excitement, fun, happiness,
contenment, desire, enthusiasm, lust, pride, pity.. wow!

.. all the memories are rushing back to me
but the most estactic moment in 2005 worth mentioning is
the moment when a fren called to tell me that i won the book prize
happiness is best when success is least expected but secretly desired i guess
of course the book prize is sth desirable but i never really eyed for it
when it was announced, i ws quite in disbelief and i had to convince myself
that hey i worked hard so i DID deserve it! Hehe. Coolness i say!

so yes in 4 hrs i will be in school not for my first class of the term but
for the presentation of the book prize along followed by lunch
oh how i dread lunching with people i am not really comfortable with
a prof and the guy who gave the award
thank god there's 2 other winners around too

so what can i expect in 2006? come forth i say
i am certain it will remain to be filled wit countless dilemmas
of choosing between flute, tarian, salsa, hip hop, friends, family and advertising
i am certain it will be as eventful as any other year. but more so the graduation!
and a key chapter in life closed only to find a new one opened:
My career. Decisions have to be made. Dilemma yet again.
Of course there will be lots of crazy, happy and fun-tastic moments
but there will also be sporadic feelings of self-pity, self-doubt, loneliness, discontentment,
BUT we are all are humans. so i tell myself its okay!
God gave us feelings for a reason, probably we're only truly human if
if we experience the full spectrum of feelings that God has invented?

i look forward for the year. i am certain it will be fulfilling one.
One resolution i have is to have more meaningul relationships with the people i adore, treasure & love.
Oh yes and of course the one resolution which i have aptly yet to accomplish-
to quit procrastinating!!

Or maybe i should quit procrastinating like in... 2007 instead?

Come forth 2006!

Love.