i want bridges un-burnt

America's Next Top Model*

watched tv: top model
next week's snippets opened eyes
voice-over, "Bridges Burnt"

*composed in Haiku (japanese poem format: 5-7-5 syllable)


Its amazing.
As the girls bitched and barked at each other about their first commercial shoot episode next week, the voice-over said "Bridges are burnt". When i heard that, almost instantly i came to a realization of something that explains myself.

I have been subconciously trying to figure out why i keep having dilemma. About having to choose between my various activities. Why i want but how deep my reluctance is in having to quit the uni band. Why i am involved in so many other things and still having the desire to perform Hip Hop during patrons day.

Its all got to do with what the voice-over said.
I am extremly fearful of having my bridges burnt!!! A phobia?
I dun want to be disliked- for having choose between clubs.
I dun want to dissapoint- for not attending practices.

I WANT people to like me, to still be friends with me.
of course not playing for the annual symphonia concert,
deciding not to take up yet another dance item and spread myself too thin,
of quitting band or floorball,
of not agreeing to perform for some performance;
these of course make me their non-friends not.

but yes, i am afraid.
am i... afraid?
Nicesittis- is it a disease of being too nice,
to not one but everyone?
the Jack virus- trying to be a master of a Jack of all trades?

here was just but some questions
questions that i will keep asking myself
but at least watching the Top Model was beneficial
some light have been shed to my ironically mysterious self.

Sometimes i ask myself: what's the point of having bridges that
will deplete the world's entire forests when
all roads lead to (insert desired place)


(p.s. if one took lit before they will know that these writings and of recent are neither nowhere near 'poetry' nor 'prose'. And i would like to offically disclaim- cause not having done so would cause great discredit to my Creative writing prof/poet - that i'm even trying to make it like either of 'em.)

(p.s.s i just thought it might be easier to read if i separate them in sporadically-meaningful stanzas)