Friday, April 15, 2005

Understanding me, myself and I

(Disclaimer: Warning if you're not me, this entry may prove to be hard to decipher)

I can't believe that it took me 3 academic years and the module in persuasion module to realize that although i think i understand myself; i just don't. At times, i can't seem to having much explanation or one which satisfy me in justifying or explaining why i do things in a certain way and why i can be extremely enthusiastic at times and way off at other times.

Like only now i begin to understand why i strive to be a perfectionist in one subject while leave to fate in another. Why i admire certain friends instead of the other. Why i can be very hardworking during normal term time and just be oppositily lazy and not bothered during the exam/study week! And why i only attempted to really start on strategy earlier yesterday when i had like since monday afternoon to do it?

Why do i love to dance? why do i love my CCAs and why do i start to be bored of them? Why do i prefer to be alone and private and at the same time i want to be among people and popular?

I am sure i am if not one of the most confused person on earth. Neverthelss i ilke it. I like the fact that i am a mystery to even myself. It exudes some kinda of excitement and irony. And it kind of motivate me to look forward for life every single day. Come to think of it, despite my anxiety, i never really once loathed to get up of and face the world; well unless its one of those sleepy and lazy days of course!

I guess cum the post Strategy exam tommorrow ,i may or may not have slight regret over not putting in much effort but hey, if i did, i would have lost one in other things too.

Like finding out about myself!

Fuzz
(p.s fatalism, motivation)

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